Well, that was fast. Peace = shattered. It was nice knowing ya, man. Thanks so much for stopping by.
I shouldn’t be so surprised, really. Impermanence is one of the few truths of the world. Some feelings can only exist in the right environment, one of safety and familiarity. Why should peace stick around in an unfamiliar alley alone in the dark of the night? It sure as shit didn’t for me.
That’s the rule, though. Impermanence. Everything is all soooo impermanent. Peace, joy, rage, possession, contentment, tranquility. Despair, anguish, certainty, fear, courage. Every brilliant and terrible atom of this maddening experience—they all come and go, waving their ephemerality in my face like a very lost bug.
I think I’m actually a bit worse off than I was before. I can’t help the snarl that keeps curling over my face, dragging my lips up to show my teeth, telling those on the receiving end I’m doing the courtesy of not ripping their throat out. How considerate of me.
But this, too, shall pass, right? If I wait long enough, the rage simmering within will surely fade and I can act like a normal person again. Right?? Because those are the rules. Right???
Couldn’t come soon enough, I’ll say.
Sometimes I think it’s better when the channels of communication are open and all the codes are being poured out over the radio, overlapping with each other until they coagulate into an unintelligible noise. When everyone knows everything and we all talk about our feelings and shit.
And sometimes I think it’s actually better when I just keep my goddamn mouth shut. When I live my life as a vault—impenetrable, unintelligible, inaccessible. When only a digital ghost is capable of being a fly on my wall. But is that ghost one of ego or love? Well, I’m not so sure anymore.
Doesn’t matter, really. What’s good, what’s bad, what sucks, what doesn’t. Because it’s all so impermanent, right? Every brilliant and terrible atom of this maddening experience—they will all come and go. But I will be the thing that remains.