Doubt—self-doubt—feels a bit to me like I’m swimming. Swimming around in my own head. Wading through a sea of questions with no lifejacket and no shore in sight. Worried that my darkness might get in my own way, that my pain or my desire could drive me to destroy all that I’d like to rebuild. Would I just be torturing myself to try? How do I know I can trust myself to do the right thing?
The answer is love. The answer was always love.
Because that’s the difference between love and desire. Desire is all about what I want and how I feel. But love? Love is about the other person. It’s about putting their needs above your wants. Love isn’t just a feeling that blooms in your chest like a nuclear detonation and makes every cell in your body vibrate; it’s a choice. A million tiny choices that you make.
I don’t need to swim endlessly in circles anymore. Because if there’s anything I know I can do, it’s love.