Method of Mancy

I welcome the workdays. There are much fewer memories to taunt me there, and so many more ways to occupy my mind. I can get away from my house and the ghosts living there with me. The trade-off, however, is the effort of forging a mask. The pleasant customer, amicable coworker, helpful supervisor mask. There isn’t any digestible way to explain my absence within my own body, and showing that emptiness in my eyes or face without being able to deliver a reason just doesn’t seem fair to my acquaintances.

My companion today is a chatty woman–one of my favorite people to work with. She has an interesting habit of suddenly dropping her voice to a whisper even when what she’s saying doesn’t seem very confidential. The work keeps us both moderately busy throughout the day and we chat idly during the quiet moments.

There has been a most exciting update; coffee makers will now be in each office. We spend twenty minutes or so squinting at a photo from the announcement trying to make out the words on a little cup of grounds. She deciphers the brand name and looks up their flavors. I crane my head to the right for about ten minutes and then finally declare, it definitely says “medium roast.”

We get the answer just before her shift ends and she remarks with a sly grin, I don’t even drink coffee. But still, who doesn’t love uncovering a little mystery?

She tells me it’s Friday today. I hadn’t noticed. I don’t remember… what was it that people are supposed to do on Fridays? What was it that I used to do before…? Before… Before… Befo–

She tells me it’s Friday today. I hadn’t noticed. Oh, look at that, I murmur.

This week went by so fast, huh? She smiles at me as she packs up her belongings.

Yeah. Real fast. I try to smile back at her, though she isn’t looking at me. It feels more like a grimace on my face anyway, so I turn back to my screen.

She swivels her head around, double-checking the space for any forgotten items. See you later, she calls back on her way out. Don’t have too much fun tonight!

I’m sure I won’t, I respond, and her laugh carries through the door as it closes behind her. After a few seconds, the silence begins to settle into the office air and I take a deep, relieving breath as I let my face fall the rest of the way.