Method of Mancy

I’m standing on a rocky shore, squinting at the sunlight glinting on the waves. Far off in the distance, I see a few people standing on paddle boards, turning around each other like sharks in the water. The wind sends shivers through me standing there in my swimsuit, and I worry that the water will be too cold to actually swim in. 

I can feel my lover’s eyes searching for me before I hear his footsteps crunch down the hill toward me. My gaze is glued to where the mountains meet the sky and even though I know he’s on his way, I don’t move from my spot until he’s come all the way down to stand next to me.

Are you ready? He asks me, and the moment I turn and see his smiling face, I am.

We walk around the edge of the water, making our way to the area of the lake where a conglomerate of inflatable platforms shine in the sun. Sort of an obstacle course, and sort of an enormous playground, the structure floats alone on the water. We stroll past areas of the lake that used to be underwater, past bushes I had to swim around the last time I was here, and I marvel at the change. 

I try to focus on the beautiful day beaming down upon us and the handsome young man by my side, but I can’t help but feel just like the lake–unrecognizably changed, missing so much of what once was there, and empty and isolated under the shadow of the mountains.

–

Seated at our humble camp on the shore, I notice a long-necked bird standing a dozen yards from us. He is vigilant, surveying the water, on the hunt. I point him out and we watch him for a few minutes before he moves on and I finally feel brave enough to try the water. We wade in together and as it washes across my skin, I am pleased that it’s not as cold as I worried it would be. Once the lake is up to my knees, I crash down into it, letting it envelop me up to the shoulders and we swim out to the depths to reach the playground.

While my lover focuses on the path ahead, I can feel the full force of the week pulling down on me like a siren in the water. Without an audience, I become heavy with pain and exhaustion. There is a whalefall of heartache hidden within me weighing more than the planet itself, but the ugly life-jacket strapped around my torso carries me across the water easily, as if I were nothing more than a dandelion seed. 

I try to hold on to this artificial lightness as I climb out of the water and onto the playground. We have the entire terrain to ourselves and right away, the thrill of exploration takes over as we run and climb across the paths. The little girl buried in my heart is overjoyed to play around and adventure with someone so fun and energetic, and as I chase my lover up to the tallest platform, I forget about everything else.

He cascades down the slide, crashing into the lake with a splash, and I watch him brush his hair out of his face and whoop in exhilaration. He calls for me to come down, so I push myself off the top, not simply to tumble into the water, but to reach him where he’s there waiting for me.

–

Before we leave, we sit on the shore for a while, looking out over the lake and drying off in the sunshine. It’s hard to willingly part from this beautiful, tranquil place, so we drink in the moment as long as possible. In my beach bag, I find two large, floppy sun hats that we didn’t use. He considers one of the hats, pastel pink with a large flower around the band. I watch as he places it on his head, the innocent rosy flower standing in stark contrast to the austere handsomeness of his face and an unfamiliar sensation flutters around in my chest. I look at him posing for me in the sun, this person who’s barely more than a stranger to me, and I absolutely adore him.

–

Behind me on the wall of the restaurant is an enormous painting of Japan. My lover stares up at it as we sit at the two-top and tells me about every other time he’s been here, even gesturing around to the tables where he sat. Our third stop of the day is located in his hometown and I order a hefty amount of nigiri. My appetite is large after the strenuous lakeside play, and my pockets are still quite full of vacation money. The meal is delicious, and our conversation rears delightful and unexpected gems. When the meal is over, he refuses to split the check like I’d expected. I am suddenly embarrassed for ordering as much as I did, but he waves it off and ushers me back to the car so we can get to the next stop on his list on time.

–

Location number four brings us back home to our city and to a nice bar on the corner where the staff all know him by name. At his specification, we’re seated on the patio to enjoy the late summer weather and the sounds of the city street next to us. Our objective–to enjoy some dessert with a side of fancy cocktails. After a brief look at the menu, I pick out a gin and honey cocktail to end our perfect summer day with, while he gets one of his usual favorites. 

I am still debating on dessert when the waiter comes by. But instead of offering to take my order, he asks the two of us for a flavor palette. Despite my confusion, we quickly agree to chocolate. The waiter heads back inside, leaving the enigma to settle in the air at our table. We chatter back and forth about cocktails, and I mention how I have a hard time finding my favorite on most menus. It piques his interest and I divulge that there is a special place I know where to get it, a little rabbit-hole-in-the-wall lounge not far from where we are, and he lights up, gleefully adding it to our itinerary for the day.

We were only apart for a handful of days, so I find his enthusiasm for activities today to be a surprise. Though, on the other hand, we’ve been known to pack in a lot of adventures in one day before… Either way, I’ve got the time and energy to spend, and it’s one of the most relaxing and freeing days I have had in a while, so I stop wondering. By his side, I am light like a feather in the wind, still warmed by the sun that shone down on us that afternoon.

I don’t even realize the waiter is standing there until the plate is right in front of me, startling me mid-sentence. The dessert itself is simple, a large brownie filled and covered with cherries. Chocolate, to satisfy my ever-present sweet tooth. And cherries, the same taste on our tongues the first time that we kissed.

But, most notably of all, sticking out of it is a small, glimmering candle calling my heart to start playing hopscotch across my ribs. 

I stare at the flame in shock, my voice performing a disappearing act that would put The Invisible Man to shame. During my silence, my lover explains to me that our day together wasn’t just another action-packed date, but instead, every step we took leading up to this moment was planned just for me, to make me feel special, and to celebrate my day.

When he finishes his confession, the tiny flame is steadily burning down, threatening to slough little wax droplets onto the dessert, but I’m still frozen. The only thing I had allowed myself to want was to spend some time at a lake with this incredible boy, and to take some of the pressure off after a tumultuous weekend.

But he took me to my favorite café in the city for breakfast after letting me sleep in late. He drove me out to the mountains, took me down to the water, and ran with me across an enormous playground. He bought me my favorite food for dinner and surprised me at a restaurant with a special birthday dessert. And he did all of it for me.

I barely manage to hear him encouraging me to blow out the candle through the haze of disbelief numbing my limbs and the tears gathering at the back of my throat. Finally, I manage to breathe again and hover over the little warm light, ready to wish for love like I do every year. But as I see him beaming at me behind the candle’s glow, I realize that my wish has already come true.

With my eyes glistening, I turn back to the plate, push out a stiff gust of breath, and extinguish the flame.